Empty Arms At Christmas

To the teacher with a baby on their Christmas list, I write this blog post for you during this season that can be very difficult and heartbreaking.

A Decade of Discouragement

It’s been a decade of discouragement for me and my journey to become a mother and during these past 10 years I’ve spent hours upon hours in doctor’s offices trying to seek the help that I hoped they could give me. I spent multiple months giving myself injections, messing with my hormones and undergoing procedures to hopefully put an end to this long battle. I’ve spent my life savings on treatment and tests that at times seem like a waste. I’ve spent many moments in a very dark place of sadness and heartbreak after saying goodbye two times to precious angels that I won’t be able to know on this Earth. I’ve spent countless times on my knees in prayer asking God why?

But even after a decade of discouragement, financial hardships, heartbreak, anger, doubt and reoccurring loss… today I look ahead. I look ahead at what another 10 years can be. 3,650 days ahead of happiness, joy, love, service and faith.

Empty Arms At Christmas

While battling my infertility journey, the Christmas joy that I’ve always had as a child and young adult has diminished a bit, Instead of focusing on hope and faith, I tend to focus on the emptiness that I have experienced countless times. When I see friends and family enjoying their holiday season with their precious children, I am reminded that it’s just me and my husband once again year after year but I  do always remember that a 2 person family is still a family and a wonderful one. We still have traditions and enjoy the Christmas season but I will always have that one thing at the top of my Christmas wishlist each year and I know God is aware of my wishes.

Another wish I have this season is for YOU! My wish is that you can find joy in the now. You have experienced some of the hardest things that you may ever have to experience whether it is a loss of a child, miscarriage or infertility. You are battling one of the hardest fights. Take time this season to remember that you have a purpose. Don’t waste the NOW on sadness and discouragement. Don’t spend a decade of discouragement like I’ve done. Live your life and do the things you love most. Celebrate your blessings and look forward to what is yet to come. You will be blessed in some way and at some time. Unfortunately we aren’t in charge of the when or the how. We are just in charge of having faith that what we want most of all will happen!

A Decade of Direction

No matter your situation or beliefs, remember that positivity and faith will help you along the way. Choose a decade of direction as the New Year arrives. Choose to move forward in a direction of happiness. Focus on those blessings that you have right now. Surround yourself with loving friends and family who will support you along the way. Find a way to give back. Help another who might be fighting a battle similar to yours. Lifting a burden of one who has experienced the same loss, will help build your faith and love for the years to come. Don’t forget to love yourself and your significant other. Love your significant other a little more this upcoming year. They deserve it too!

Thank You

I’m so inspired by you and your courage and strength. Each day you go and teach the future generations and I know that your service that you offer to those little ones each year will make a difference in their lives but also in yours as well. Keep doing what you love most… teaching! You were called to be a mother first and a teacher second. That first job will happen but until it does, celebrate that second life calling that you are so good at!

Merry Christmas teachers! Enjoy this season with your loved ones and take care of yourself! Smile, you are beautiful and God knows your wishes!

With Much Love, Ashlyn